There are so very many things I am processing here. So forgive for the kind of stream-of-consciousness that this blog post is, but here goes…
There are so very many questions on my heart these days…How does anyone leave any of these precious children? That just does not make any sense to me. Even one. Some are brought here by their families as a temporary home to care for them, but some are just left…in sugarcane fields, in trash cans, at gates. Why?....How do I discipline in love a child who shuts down when disciplined? When her walls go up, how do I get through? How do I have patience when I feel like I have told a child the same thing day after day, and it doesn’t sink in? How do I communicate Jesus’ love to a child who is an orphan and has people in and out of their life all the time, mostly leaving them…over and over? How do I build a relationship and trust when in the back of this child’s mind they know I’m not here permanently and few people ever are? How are there so many orphans? There are over 140 million of them. WHAT? Why is the church not responding more? How do we respond?
And the questions keep coming. And at times I feel overwhelmed. At times I feel heart broken. At times I feel frustrated and so full of questions. And then I realize I am getting the most beautiful, tiny picture of His heart. The heart of my Jesus beats for the orphan. The heart of my Jesus breaks for the orphan. His heart is for children. His heart is for the vulnerable to know love and safety, and for the broken to know healing. He cries for the broken hearted child who feels lonely, abandoned, and misunderstood. His heart breaks for the abuse, hurt, and hard places these children have seen. His heart longs to protect them and love them and show them mercy.
And then I am completely humbled and blown away…that He would give me glimpses of these places of His heart. And even more just brought to my knees at the thought that He would use me in even a tiny way to show Him to these littles. When I am in a place of my heart breaking for what His does, I am where I want to be. I am where He wants me to be. I pray that He will continue to break my heart for what breaks His…that He will continue to give me His eyes…that He will continue to keep me and lead me by the right hand and whisper to me gently “This is the way, walk in it”. He is holding my heart together as it breaks. I believe I am right where He wants me. I could not be more thankful and have never felt more at peace. He has me right in the middle of His will, my heart breaking, but never feeling more free. How can I keep from singing His Name? He is the strength of my heart and my portion forever, and so I rejoice, whether the earth quakes and the mountains crumble and my heart breaks, I rejoice. My God will come through ALWAYS. He hears my heart’s cries, He comforts each child here and every orphan around the world, and He is working to bring His Kingdom here. I pray that He might continue to let me be a part of that, and that He will give me the eyes to see how He’s calling me to that. I am longing for Heaven on earth. Let’s bring it. Pray with me please! The Kingdom will come, and we can be a part. Pray for me to learn more of my part...I'm praying you'll learn more of yours too!
Nkwagala nyo,
Auntie Sarah
5 comments:
Oh sweet precious Sarah.I cried and cried my way through this post. What understanding you are gaining. What wisdom. Yes, you ARE looking into the Father's heart. I am thinking of that scripture, "A little child shall lead them..." You are being led to the heart of the Father through the little children and then you, in turn, are helping me to "see" something I could not understand before. All in God's economy and timing. Thank you for sharing your heart. I am praying. Much love to you.
just found your blog sweet sarah! love living vicariously in uganda through you. hug some precious babies for me.
love love love.
m.
Dear Sister!
What a post. Thank you for sharing, I've been thinking a lot about our Lord's heart for the orphans. What an incredible, painful, and honorable position you've been placed it. I will continue to pray for you as you are the hands and feet to the children in Uganda. I love you.
Sarah, thank you for sharing this glimpse into your beautiful heart. These are difficult questions and tough issues to wrestle with, but know that there is so much prayer coming your way for the Lord to guide your thoughts and emotions. Love you!
Sarah, thank you so much for writing! You are such a blessing to those kids and it is amazing to read how you are doing over there after hearing about you feeling called to go!
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