When two places hold your heart, where’s home?
Last week I got to spend a few days with my sister in Kenya (which was great, more to come on that) and as I flew back this idea of home kept popping into my head. It’s been one that I’ve been throwing around for a bit. I feel like I have two homes in a way. And sometimes more than that. Part of my heart is here in Uganda now, with bits of it with different people here and littles who have captured it. Part of my heart is in Nashville with my family and bits of it are all over America with friends and family…a little bit in Greenville, SC, a little bit in New Orleans, and all over.
As I landed back in Uganda I was beaming from ear to ear. I wanted to dance when I got off the plane…back to the red dirt and the heat and the Luganda and the craziness. I love it here!
And yet I was crying Saturday night when one of my best friends was getting married and I was here in Uganda, not getting to be there. And I miss my family and friends dearly. It’s been hard to miss big and small things in the lives of family and friends in America….weddings, graduations, engagements, hard times, good times, Friday breakfasts, Inversion, birthdays, girls nights, and just day to day stuff. It’s hard to keep in touch with people on the other side of the world…and to all of you who I have done a terrible job on that front, I am truly sorry. I’m a work in progress.
It’s hard to feel connected to people on both sides of the world, yet be living on one and try to be fully here and not pining away for there. Yet I can’t imagine living anywhere but here for now.
I love living here. I love the way that time and life are full and treasured and not rushed or full of meaningless stress. I love the Bible study I’m a part of, and walks with my dear friend Katie, and breakfasts with my dear friends Danielle and Pippin, and riding around on a boda taking in the beauty of this land, and laughing with friends here as I try to practice my Luganda with them and sound ridiculous, and just Uganda…it’s amazing! The things that are emphasized are relationships and living life fully, for here long life isn’t as much of a “guarantee” as we sometimes think of life as in America. For today, for this season, Uganda is home. I know that even when I leave a big part of my heart will be here.
If home really is where the heart is, then I guess I have two homes. Or maybe more than that. And more than anything, when I look at anywhere I’ve called home, I realize more and more that none of these are perfect. None of these places or the people in them satisfy my deepest longings. And that’s because here on this earth, nothing and nowhere will. So then as I ponder this question of where is “home”, I realize that it isn’t really here and it isn’t really there and it doesn’t really matter that much in the light of eternity….what matters is that I am in love with my Jesus and He’s getting the glory, wherever my “home” might be for the time being.
So while I sit here in this tension of feeling at home and missing being home, I turn to Him, and I know that step by step, bit of faith by bit of faith, I know more of Him. And that’s all I want.